Today mr. or ms., insignifiant whomever is comng by to get the kids for dinner...
First lets retract a bit. Kids are goats and children are human. Unless of coasre they are acting like the ex. then it's, you better get your bbbbaaad self the hell over here.
For many, when the insignificant other shows up for, good guy or good gal time the air can seem a bit charged. The children don't want to go but the court orders it. The insignificant doesn't understand the push back and makes it mandatory. The kids come back amped up on starbucks again and you get to try to put the to bed in ten minutes.
So,what to do,... well, a realization check is in need. Although the insignificant other is not significant to you any longer, they are significant to the children. Why then do they say that they don't want to go with them? It's simply, allegiances. They are having to deal with the residual fall out of your bad choice. Because you folks chose to go seperate ways, you've now cut them down the middle and they don't like dealing with the pain.
As an adult you get to go drown your memories of confusion and pain in an ocean of unbridled sexual exploration. While the children are having to tread water in an already dead relationship and symotaneously attempting to build another while being a "child".
So now their focus is having to deal with what mom wants/what dad wants. Instead of them just being a... ok I'll say it.. Kid. Really?
Next blog.... what to do to restore some sanity...
Well, as stated, these times can be a bit difficult sometimes, but they don't need to be. Even if your children don't mind going to dinner or mid week visitation, they will when they become teens and have the arduous task of finding themselves.... Here's a couple tips... First, only speak of the now insignificant in kind terms our not at all. Do a weekly email to catch up on events in the child's life.Whether good bad or blah. This allows for ice breakers, while on there way to whatever may be going on in the moment. Lastly, as you get push back to going on these events, have the insignificant lead with the systems of possibly not making next week or two weeks from now. Surprisingly the kids seem to want to go if they lose the power to say no. And, a reality is, nothing personal, but they will want to hang with friend more than mom or dad sooner or later. To curb this, just invite their friends too.. read the book Step Generation Two kids and a baby, an American Emplosion. THANKS,..PLEASE LEAVE YOUR IDEAS ALSO...
ReplyDeleteTop pic today... how do you handle the infamous statement..."you're not my mom or you're not my dad"
ReplyDeleteThis statement can be wrenching to the Step on parent. Realize this though, the child wouldn't say it if they didnt think that you may care for them. Being child is frustrating at times because you feel powerless, ecspecially in this situation. These comments often cime up after they have been with the other parent and are now home with a whole new set of rules to adhere to , again. Two things, the parent must agree with them but also inform them that you are an adult. Anyway theres more but I have to go. Good luck...
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